Posted on: May 14, 2012
It’s no secret that I’m ready to have a baby. I’ve got baby on the brain. So much so that I randomly ask male friends of mine if they would be willing to entertain the idea co-parenting with my partner and I.
SCREECH! Hold up, what did I just stumble upon. If that’s what you’re thinking then you didn’t read the name of my blog. It’s a homo blog, a gay blog, a big ole lezzy blog. Oh yeah. It’s also a black blog and a Jewish blog. I talk about Black Gay Jewish stuff. If any of that bothers you, this is where you stop reading.
Back to my quest for sperm. Jewish sperm would be great, biracial Jewish sperm would be even better-Lenny Kraviz, are you reading? I’ve got a few nice Jewish boys in my back pocket just in case I can’t find any Black Jewish or biracial Jewish sperm. Thing is, I’m one of those lesbians. The kind of lesbian that wants babies and is unashamed of wanting them. The kind that randomly asks guy friends for sperm. Kinda like Tina and Bette in season one of the L Word, minus the West Hollywood house (and money). At thirty-two years old my biological clock is not just ticking it’s a jack hammer that is constantly drilling in my brain and makes my ovaries hurt every time I see a child. I’ve had to stop myself from picking up random children from their carriages in the grocery store. I have to resist the urge to scoop up toddlers on wobbly legs running innocently in front of their parents chatting down Court Street in Brooklyn. Seriously, I’ve thought of stealing children. Well, not stealing stealing, just sort of picking them up and running away with them. Only, I really want to give birth. In a really hippie dippy way-In my house squatting on a ball naked with my girlfriend, my midwife and doula.
When I saw Ricki Lake’s documentary The Business of Being Born I knew that was the kind of birth that I wanted. I even have a midwife and doulas (birth and post-birth) selected. I’ve read (okay I tried to read it but it made my head hurt) Mayim Bialik’s book on attachment parenting and when I saw the latest Time Magazine cover I wasn’t shocked or appalled. I thought awwww that’s so cute. Okay that’s a lie I thought the mom was pretty hot, but I also loved her conviction in extended breast feeding and self-weaning. After looking up her blog and reading about her experience with nursing not only her biological son but her transracially adopted son, I loved her more. And wanted a baby even more.
Women have been blessed with the ability to not only give life, but to sustain life. Our breasts aren’t solely the objects of sexual satisfaction for men or our partners, they’re made for giving nutrients. It’s strange that human beings are the only species that drinks another animal’s milk-yet that’s considered “normal” and breastfeeding a child who’s “too old” isn’t. For generations wet nurses cared for women who couldn’t nurse or were to privileged too nurse. One of my favorite scenes in Babies was when the child in Africa crawls over to his mother and started nursing while she was going along with her normal business. Children need to nurse, women (mothers) are designed to give them the food that they need, yet our society has taught us that when a child has teeth, when a child can crawl or walk or ask for it, they’re too old.
I don’t have kids and I don’t know how or if my feelings will change when I do, but I hope to be the kind of mother that nurses her children until they are finished nursing. This isn’t to say that mothers who choose differently are wrong or bad mothers, I respect their choices. The problem comes when we as women start putting other women down instead of building one another up and showing our support and our solidarity.
My partner knows good and well how badly I want a child and hopefully in the next year or so we’ll start trying. We’ve been together for four years and are only now planning on moving in with one another. While I don’t subscribe to the idea that one needs to be married before having a child, I do want to have a Big Ole Gay Jewish wedding, though if I’m being honest I hope to have a child before the big wedding day. Why? Because society has scared me into thinking that I’m running out of time! It’s hard enough, I’m told, for a woman with endless supplies of bio juice from her husband to conceive past the mid-thirties, but take out readily available bio juice and it gets harder and harder-not to mention more expensive. Which is how I turned into the lesbian that asks innocent male friends for their bio juice. It’s not a good look, I know. It scares people and truthfully, it scares me. Who am I? How did I turn into the woman who has her birthing plan and parenting style all figured out and just needs one small (important) piece to the family puzzle?
I blame Kveller 🙂
My momma guru, Mayim Bialik was all over the television over the weekend. Check it out here.