The guy is Aaron Levy Samuels and if you are like me, you’d best hurry and get hip to him.

…There is something intentional about the not knowing. About a lack of headstones in my family tree.

An absence of memory of my race in my religion that I feel the need to wear a Jewish star and a t-shirt as evidence that there was something there before me.

Being black means that my family came to New York with no ties but the chains around their neck

Being Jewish means that my family came to New York with no history but the Jewish stars around their necks

Being black means that I don’t have a home any more

Being Jewish means I never did.

Being Black and Jewish means that my family tree does not have head stones, my past has been swept into rivers and covered with grass.

When I say that I’m Black and Jewish what I mean that every day I carry the burden of those who died in order for me to breath…

For ten days of vacation with my lady love.

I will be scheduling some posts through out my vacation.

Shalom, Saleem, and Peace.

When people ask what kind of a Jew I am, I tend to answer, “just Jewish.” It’s easier than explaining the Refoconservadox-style of Judaism I practice, and by that I mean that I pray in Conservative synagogue, keep what some would call eco-kosher (which does not abide by any halachic standard for kashrut) and wear pants and tank tops as often as I wear skirts that cover my knees. I’ve often described my way of moving within the different denominations of Judaism as wrapping myself in the traditions that speak the most to me, which is interesting when contemplating how, when and why I wrap my hair.

Whenever I think of the similarities between Jewish women and black women, hair is always high on my list. Like many black women, I relaxed mine for years. Seven years ago I stopped chemically straightening it, allowing it to grow in its natural coiling, zig-zagging state. I love my hair — most of the time — and when I don’t, I wrap it in a scarf.

Wrapping my hair is less about covering it and more about putting something on my head as a physical reminder of greater spiritual power. I don’t think my hair is particularly sexual or that it’s a private thing between my partner and me, but I’m admittedly intrigued by the religious significance of married women covering their hair. Something about wearing a scarf paired with a long skirt just makes me feelmore Jewish.

Read more: http://blogs.forward.com/sisterhood-blog/178203/dressing-modestly-and-my-black-jewish-hair/#ixzz2WDjJHY4K

One of the most lasting words of advice my rabbi gave me while converting was that there’s a difference in converting for someone and converting because of someone. Conversion for someone, in my humble opinion, has more to do with pleasing that person, their family, or their community, whereas converting because of someone implies that because of love, the person’s connection to Judaism, the person’s love of Judaism, the person’s actions one is moved to consider Judaism as a religious option for them personally.

When M and I started dating I was in my Christian phase. I knew that after a year of Episcopal church that I would explore Judaism. She just happened to be Jewish. When I started going to shul I wanted her to go with me. I think I even asked if she would join me at the first synagogue I attended. For various reasons she couldn’t and I went alone. I continued to go alone and as I went to shul, read about Jewish beliefs, customs, culture and thought I felt something shift in me. It wasn’t about her, it was about how it felt to learn and be pulled towards a faith that was both ancient, new and different.

Even now, most of the Jewish activity in our home is because I’ve wanted it. The mezuzah’s on our doors most surely wouldn’t be there I hadn’t hung them. We wouldn’t light candles on Friday nights and we most certainly wouldn’t have a pseudo kosher kitchen. Even as my drive to attend shul slightly wanes, the pull to go, to pray, to continue to learn comes from inside of me.

Of course, it’s helpful for a wide variety of reasons that she’s a Jew. In fact, the other day on our front porch she looked over to me with a loving smile and said, “I’m so happy you’re Jewish.” I am too.

As always, if you’d like to ask me a question you can do so by emailing me: blackgayandjewish@gmail.com

Hi Erika,

Hi I,

 

Thanks so much for reading my blog and for reaching out to me! Sounds like a whole lot of interesting happening in Hotlanta

 

First and foremost, I definitely agree that you should synagogue shop as much as possible and focus on you and your journey without your boyfriend or his family’s influence. It absolutely has to be what you want and on your own terms. I don’t think you necessarily need to let the rabbis know that you’re with a Jewish person when you’re exploring new communities unless it’s the reason you’re converting-and it sounds like that’s not the case.The two shouldn’t be and aren’t mutually exclusive and the rabbis should know that you’re pursuing a conversion because you’re drawn to the Jewish faith/people/etc.

 

Secondly, you’re sure to get looks of curiosity, wonder, and more as a JOC. There are great organizations online that will connect you with other Jews of Color. I would suggest finding Jewish Multiracial Network, Be’chol Lashon, and Jews in All Hues on Facebook if you haven’t already done so. You can also join some of the many Jewish Facebook groups-the only two that I trust are JOC Plus https://www.facebook.com/groups/331526440239854/ and Jews of Color United https://www.facebook.com/groups/jewsofcolor/ others tend to attract the Israelite contingency which sometimes gets messy.

 

Lastly, do what’s best for you without thought of your BF’s family, the congregants and people at synagogues. People have an idea of what a Jew is and it’s mostly always personally focused. They have a hard time seeing or identifying with Jews who look different from what they’re used to, even though Jews have always been a diverse people. Try not to let it detour you.

 

All the best and Shabbat Shalom,

 

Erika

If you have suggestions for I, please leave them in the comments.

As part of my personal religious discovery I considered Islam as a possible faith for me. I studied it briefly in high school and often looked at my Muslim friends completely in awe of their faith, especially in light of the recent Islamophobia in the United States. Of course, I chose Judaism and while my religious vigor is going through an ebb and flow, I’m happy and confident that I made the right decision.

So when a long-time BG&J reader emailed me last week to confide that she was considering Islam, I wasn’t surprised. Below is our email exchange.

Hi Erika,

I haven’t spoken to you in a while but I’ve been keeping up with your blog. I’ve been having some disconnect with Judaism as of late. And read you were too. My thing is I keep looking into Islam. I have a question for you, how did you know Judaism was the your right fit? My heart is also heavy with everything going on in the Jewish news, the treatment of people, as well as always having to be questioned about how, why, and how come I am a Jew. Somethings shouldn’t matter but its starting to feel like a battle between my race and the people of God. with Islam It’s always been that i could also blend in well too. sorry for the ramble.

I am just having a hard time with Judaism the faith, and the people.

Best,

J

*You should note that J is a woman of color and has not yet been to mikvah. She’s been very committed to learning and studying about Judaism and is in the process of conversion. Below is my response to her.

Hi J-

I’m so glad to hear from you!

I would honestly say-do what’s best for you. Only you know what will be, is, or is not a good fit for you. I think it’s definitely hard to separate my Jewishness from the broader Jewish world. I’ve come to realize that being Jewish is a choice, whether you’ve converted or not. I have to make the choice to go to shul or not. I have to make the choice to live according to Jewish ideals or not. I have to determine what aspects of Judaism I’m open to and those that I’m closed to. I’ve also realized that while so much of Judaism, especially in the Orthodox and more observant communities, are very community-focused, much of the secular/liberal Jewish world is individualist. It’s hard to find a niche or group where you can be yourself while being actively and purposefully Jewish.

In my opinion there will always be stupid, racist, bigoted people in every faith, they’ve always been there and will always be there.

I forgot, have you been to the mikveh yet?

Best,

Erika

__

Hi Erika thanks for the reply, I haven’t been to the mikveh yet, as I’m just trying to figure things out. I still do feel very Jewish it’s just a lot going on that makes you go “hmm” and the constant questioning ones Jewishness that discourages me.

-J

__

J-

I totally get that. And as a “good Jew” I can only say to do what’s best for you. If you’re feeling a pull towards Islam, by all means explore that. Go to a masjid, learn about prayer, life, etc.

I am continually fascinated by Islam, it’s amazing how similar the two religions are down the the people, traditions, food, and traditional gender roles and dress. I’d love to learn Arabic right along with learning Hebrew and I think both religions have much to remember/learn about the other.

If you’d like to ask me a question send it to blackgayandjewish@gmail.com

I offer thanks before you, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.

The first time I experienced an Avodat Lev service I was overwhelmed and embarrassed by the power of it. It was my second day of work and we were on staff retreat (yes, my first day was staff retreat). I’d only met my colleagues a few hours before and here we were on a cold autumn morning with sleep in our eyes freezing in a yurt in the Connecticut Berkshires.

One of my colleagues, an Adamah alum, started strumming her guitar, humming the melody of Modah Ani. Within a few moments a few other voices joined with hers and the whole staff sang/prayed quietly. Some of the men wore teffiilin and tallit and many swayed either to keep warm or in prayer as we sat in a circle on the cold wooden floor. We continued through the service, singing, repeating, reciting the prayers in rounds and layers of harmony before an hour had passed and we’d finished the morning prayer service.

A few months later at our fall bike ride I was once more transported in prayer by Avodat Lev. This time, the spirit was louder, more raucous, more spirited as Adamaniks stood up to dance, clap, shout and sing in loud voices encouraging the rest of us to join them in their joyful prayers to Gd. Never much of a prayer dancer, I sat and watched-my heart full.

Since then I’ve been trying rather unsuccessfully to bring the spirit of Avodat Lev into my Brooklyn home, but juggling the hectic NYC schedules of New York Jews, not to mention my recent ambivalence has made this task a bit harder than I expected.

Instead, every morning I turn on my iPod, find the Siddur saved in my phone and pray/sing along with the CD, reading the Hebrew as I go.

I’d say that week one of One Mitzvah at a Time has been a success. Next up, meal brachot (for real this time).

If you’d like to spend some time at Adamah at the Isabella Freedman Jewish Retreat Center as a farmer, I give you this amazing, uplifting and inspirational video about the Adamah experience.

Jewish Websites (in no particular order)

Pop Chassid

While some of these photos make me uncomfortable, I’m in complete awe of Pop Chassid’s collection of 10 Jewish Women Being Awesome. Both the Shabbat and Tsfat photo were incredibly moving to me.

Keshet and My Jewish Learning

This article about Orthodox parents of LGBTQ teens is incredibly moving and powerful. I’m glad that they’ve found the courage not only to love their children unconditionally, but to share their experience. InshAllah/B’ezrat Hashem more families will take this stance of unconditional love. “Orthodox Parents United by Torah…and Love for our LGBT Children”

Kveller

As the lady and I are starting to work towards mamahood, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on prayers for pregnancy, prayers for insemination, prayers for patience and prayers for well-being. It’s interesting because this time, normally filled with anxiety and excitement has been blissfully calm and relaxing, while I’m doing everything I’m “supposed” to do and know that much of the process will be medically focused, I’m turning my body over to Gd and really focusing inward. Kveller has been one of my favorite go-to Jewish sites for humor, insight and this week interesting thoughts on Talking to Children about Gd.  Definitely something to tuck away for another 3-4 years.

Self-Promotion

The Jewish Week

I started writing for The Jewish Week’s Food and Wine Section. I’ve written and shared two recipes-one for hummus and another for kafta. It’s fun writing about food again since my food blog is hopelessly neglected.

Kavanah Doula

Eight weeks ago I started training as a full-spectrum doula, I’m one test, five births, five evaluations, three book reports many many prenatal away from being certified, but it’s been an amazing, slightly nerve-wracking, highly educational journey. I’ve been reading a lot around pregnancy and halacha and for observant women, a doula is just the ticket. I named my blog “Kavanah” for many reasons-for LGBTQ parents and straight parents who are TTC, pregnancy is about having intention. Because the process of giving birth, from what I’ve read, is about creating intention, because we need a certain amount of it in order to do the sacred work of birth. If you’ve not already liked my doula Facebook Page I would appreciate the boost in support. If you have a NYC-based friend, family member, co-worker, or acquaintance who is currently expecting, send them my way!

Elsewhere

Huffington Post

I read this article by an observant Muslim man and felt a lot of things, but mostly appreciation. Many religious texts have seemingly conflicting words-something that is an “abomination” often leads to another, alienating someone simply for being. We’re told to love everyone, strangers alike, because we’re all made in Gd’s image. I appreciate the author’s frankness and honesty. Read this.

Just some amazing stuff-super funny PG-13 rated humor.

Shabbat Shalom, ya’ll

From my cousin:  Playoffs are just 40 days, religion is always there! Watch the game!

From a Jewish professional: I pray more watching the Knicks then I ever do in shul.

From a colleague: Learning goes on until late tonight – watch the knicks first, go study after!

I laughed while the advice came in and ultimately decided to watch the Knicks get their asses handed to them by the…I can’t even remember who they were playing. Oh right, the Pacers. I spent the evening of Shavuot watching that disaster of a game. The next day I woke up and prayed as I normally do and picked up my Tanakh and read the book of Ruth, one of my favorite in the whole Tanakh.

“But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, ‘Turn back, each of you to her mother’s house. May the L-rd deal kindly with you , as you have death with the dead and with me! May the L-rd grant that each of you find security in the house of a husband!’ And she kissed them farwell. They broke into weeping and said to her, ‘No, we will return with you and to your people. But Naomi replied, ‘Turn back, my daughters! Why should you go with me? Have I any more sons in my body who might be husbands for you? Turn back, my daughters, for I am too old to be married…They broke into weeping again and Orpah kissed her mother-in-law farewell. But Ruth clung to her. So she said, ‘See your sister-in-law has returned to her people and her gods. Go follow your sister-in-law.’ But Ruth replied, ‘Do not urge me to leave you, to turn back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go; wherever you lodge I will lodge; your people will be my people, and your Gd my Gd. Where you die, I will die and there I will be buried.’ “

The region around 830 BCE. Moab is shown in purple
from Wikipedia

Ruth the Moabite goes on to marry Boaz and she has a child who became the grand father of David.

There’s a lot to love in the story of Ruth. The first and most obvious is that it’s a convert’s story. She doesn’t go through the ringer on first glance, but as I continue to read the story I sort of believe that she is tested. In Ruth chapter 8 Naomi first tells her daughters-in-law to turn back, “Turn back, each of you to her mother’s house.” then again in chapter 11, “Turn back, my daughters!” and the finally after Oprah leaves and Ruth remains in chapter 15, “Go follow your sister-in-law.”

Three times.

Three times Naomi tells Ruth no, tells her to go back to her people, to her customs, to her gods, to what she knows and three times Ruth declines and instead goes with Naomi to her people, her customs, her Gd, to what she doesn’t know.

Chapter 18: “When Naomi saw how determined she was to go with her, she ceased to argue with her…the two went on until they reached Bethlehem.”

As a convert I’m fully Jewish, but a lot of times I feel as though I’m still straddling an invisible line between my old life, customs, religion and my new life, customs and religion(s). Not in the sense that there is remorse or longing, but with the realization that being Jewish isn’t like simply being born Christian. As a Christian I felt little guilt about forgoing church on Sunday. I didn’t think about why I ate a large feast on Christmas or Easter, but as a Jew we have reminders all of the time that lately, I’ve ignored.

I walk into my home to a beautiful and ornate mezzuzah that I only kiss once a week, maybe.

I don’t pray the traditional and full morning prayers because I can’t pull myself out of bed to do so.

I drink wine without the bracha. I eat bread without the bracha and I leave the restroom without the bracha.

On one hand, these customs, traditions, mitzvot aren’t required by my Reform conversion and I don’t know many Reform Jews who observe these mitzvot and on the other hand I do know Reform Jews who do and feel guilty (Yay, I have Jewish guilt!) when I don’t.

I’ve written it before and it still bothers me now, but friends seem to think that this sort of lull in my religious life is just the natural progression into mainstream Judaism. As my partner and I start thinking about starting a family I can’t help but be concerned that this ambivalence will leak into our family life and before I know it we’re eating pepperoni pizza on Friday night watching television instead of gathering around the Shabbat table!

Is this a crazy thought? Yes. We don’t eat pizza that often and we’ve both vowed to raise our children in a very Jewish home, but if I can’t make an effort now when I don’t have the added stress of child-induced sleep deprivation how am I to be sure that I will make the effort when we’re parents? So I’ve giving myself a Reconnect Challenge. Starting today I’m going to take on one mitzvot, bracha, tradition a week for an entire year.

Starting with bracha before meals. Wish me luck

Me:I’m feeling really disconnected to Judaism lately. I think I’ll go to Shavuot services tomorrow night to reconnect.

Her:You do realize the Knicks are playing tomorrow night, right?

In this time we’ve shared intimate details of our life, we’ve shared food, we’ve held babies and we’ve been learning about the birthing process and the role of a doula in that process. I’ve started a website for my practice-Kevanah Doula-Birthing with Intention-and am currently looking for Imas willing to have a doula-in-training attend their birth.

If you or someone you know in the Manhattan, Brookly, or Bronx (maybe Queens) is expecting, please send them my way.

kavanahdoula@gmail.com

http://kavanahdoula.blogspot.com/

https://www.facebook.com/KavanahDoulaService