a gay black woman's discovery of her jewish self

jumping in the deep end

Posted on: May 31, 2011

Tomorrow is my last conversion class and I’m in a constant state of excitement and nervousness.  Since October Wednesday night has been my anchor, my safety net, my Jewish safe-space, my haven, my rock.  For two hours each Wednesday night for the past several months I’ve sat in the same chair around the same table looking at the same faces.  We’ve talked and shared stories, fears, hopes, and mutual trust and in 24 hours that will be gone.

It’s nice because it feels like an accomplishment.  It’s nerve-wracking because the real task of becoming Jewish is upon me.  Last week in class Rabbi L. asked us if we were ready to accept the Torah.  I answered her, confidently “Yes, I am ready to accept the Torah.”  Understanding of course, that by accepting the Torah I’m accepting the multiple meanings of Torah.  The Jewish People, the Texts, the Mitzvot, the actual books of Torah.  While I don’t always agree with them, I accept them.

What happens now is all on me.  There isn’t the anchor in the middle of the week that literally forces me to stop my mundane life and tap into the religious, spiritual, Jewishness of my life.  It’s all up to me, and i’m ready to jump.

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